Turkey Trip

Another awesome Thanksgiving road trip.  Chicago and then Kzoo.  This year I'm failing as a writer, but I'm doing my best not to fail as a mother, and that's more important right now.

STOP ONE: ILLINOIS

As we rushed through our adult conversation while Sam and Brandon raced around the hotel room and Eva hid her chocolate chip cookies in her shoes, I was amazed that it's been so long since we saw these special friends.  Jezail and I talked about how she came to live with me when I was just a few years older than she is now.  How did she get to be 30?!  So great to hear the stories of her journey teaching in the Chicago Public School System and the impressive accomplishments of her boys.  Jaylin is definitely a scientist in the making, and I won't be surprised if we see Brandon on So You Think You Can Dance someday.  After they left, despite having just one little plastic spoon that I found in the bottom of my backpack, we all dug in to the delicious sweet potato pie that Jezail baked for  us.  Awesome bedtime snack!

STOP TWO: The Awesome Holmes Clan Football and Feasting Extravaganza

If there is one annual family gathering we don't want to miss, it's the day that the Holmes family gets to together and tells stories and plays football and eats turkey and has a limbo/dance marathon in the living room.  They don't usually do their family Thanksgiving dinner until after Thanksgiving so our first day there was all about watching football and exploring the mountains of girl toys.  Sam was thrilled to hang with Uncle Ron and cheer for the Packers even as the Lions pulled way ahead... which Sam didn't mind because it meant Michael ran around like a crazy man wrestling Sam in celebration.  And Eva was thrilled (and a little overwhelmed) to discover a home with dozens of Barbies and more than a few Barbie cars.  Back at Ron & Judy's the kids got to help make coleslaw and do some art work and get a photography lesson from Uncle Ron.  And even before the family Thanksgiving celebration on Friday, the fun the kids had was worth the trip.  But when Sam's face lit up upon seeing his big cousin Jack and playing monkey-in-middle-football in the basement and my stomach hurt from laughing at the Johnny and Michael Loveboat dance contest and Eva dove towards the carpet in the hopes of keeping up with the big girls in their cartwheel contest, I was over and over again reminded of why we make the trip and sure that we'll keep coming back as long as they'll have us.  In the car on the way home we listened to Laurie Berkner singing F-A-M-I-L-Y and we talked about how these very special people are in our hearts and in our family.  Wonderful memories.

Best Mother's Day EVER

Jezail and her boys

“I’ve told you a billion times not to exaggerate,” my father used to say. But he wouldn’t think I was exaggerating if he were with our family this weekend and I told him that this was the best Mother’s Day ever.

Eva waits in the tent before the ceremony

My morning started with the sun glistening through the trees and into the window of Jezail’s bedroom. Sam was curled up in a ball with his head buried under a pillow next to my right arm, and Eva was sprawled out in pink on my left, her little hands up over her head while air puffed in and out of her sleeping face. They had both slept solidly through the night after a long Saturday, and I could actually hear birds outside the window. Afraid of disturbing the peace and quiet I checked my email on my phone and saw this message had been left on my facebook page the night before:

9 years ago when I was 18 I remember asking you how could I ever get into a college because I knew I had no money. You told me "don’t worry about money Jezail. Just apply wherever you want to go. Money should not be a concern." Now I’m 27 and tomorrow I graduate with a Masters in Education and the person I thank first is Barbara Ann Matousek!!! You gave me what I needed- to believe I could do anything and I love you for that. Happy Mothers Day!!


And so I cried for the first (and certainly not the last) time that day. I cried when I first saw her in her robe, the sunshine reflecting off the big sign on Alumni Hall that said Congratulations Graduates! I cried when I called my own mother from the tent where the ceremony would be held, my young children giving a few appreciated moments of peace. I cried when I saw Jezail walk across the stage and shake the dean’s hand. And I cried when the kids and I stood on the grass and watched all the graduates file past. I cannot even begin to talk about how proud I am of Jezail and all that she’s accomplished. And I cannot even touch on how inspirational she has always been to me. From the moment I met her at the age of 15 she’s been teaching me by example about facing fear and overcoming obstacles and stepping out of your comfort zone and changing for the better and not ever letting YOU be your biggest enemy.

After the ceremony
Jaylin and Sam are very happy they no longer have to be quiet.

After a long day of sunshine and ceremony and parks and running after children, I played checkers with Jaylin while Sam and Branden destroyed the Play-doh. Jezail stood in her kitchen and did what she always loved to do when we lived together and family came to visit. She made a dinner of baked chicken and green beans and rice and corn muffins and salad, and we reminisced about how much my father had loved her cooking… her banana pudding and strawberry cheesecake and cooked greens and especially her fried catfish with hot sauce. I have no doubt that if my father were still alive he would have been there with us at Jezail's graduation ceremony. My father had his faults and he wasn’t perfect all the time, but he was loyal and thoughtful and generous with the people that he cared about. And over the years he came to love her as much as I did. He would not have called it exaggerating if I told him that this was the BEST Mother’s Day EVER.



See more photos from our action-packed family weekend which included graduation as well as a local zoo, a fantastic afternoon with my generous and thoughtful friend Lisa, and several trips to several parks here.

Fasten Your Seat Belts

Several months ago, a friend said to me. "Life is a roller coaster. Fasten your seat belts and keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times."

Yesterday was definitely a roller coaster of emotions for me. I started my day with 45 minutes of toe-tapping and sighing as I watched pregnant woman after pregnant woman get called back into the OB/GYN clinic exam rooms at the Minneapolis Park Nicollet Clinic. I studied each one, wondering how far along they were, how much bigger they were going to get, how much bigger I was going to get. A Spanish woman in a gray jogging suit stood next to her husband at the appointment desk and said she needed to make an another appointment for next week. “And you’re 40 weeks right now?” the receptionist asked. She didn’t look that big. Maybe I won’t be huge. But maybe she was a tiny thing 9 months ago.

During the last week as my pants have started tugging at my waist and my abdomen has continued to expand, I’ve started to realize that I’m not going to be able to hide my pregnancy that much longer. I’ve only gained 3.5 pounds since those little embryos were transferred back in, but I must be losing it somewhere, because I’m definitely gaining in my boobs and my belly.

“You ARE getting bigger,” Brooklynn says, “But you’re not too big yet.”

Last week Dr. Brown explained that the progesterone in my system relaxes all the muscles and ligaments which allows my body to enlarge and make room for baby. Even if I have gained little weight, the progesterone has caused my rib cage to loosen and expand (allowing my bra to dig deep into the skin of my back) and helping my uterus to grow to the size of a large grapefruit or a small melon. In the next week that little melon will move up and out of my abdomen and away from my bladder… which should allow me to finally sleep for more than a few hours without getting up to pee. However, that shift is definitely going to make it harder to hide my pregnancy.

I told Kelly yesterday that I’m freaking out about that, that I am really kind of terrified of having perfect strangers know that I’m pregnant, having people I don’t know walk up to me and start talking to me about my pregnancy. I’m an introvert for God’s sake. Please don’t touch my belly unless you actually know my name. :)

After my long wait in the lobby, Sheela Solomon’s nurse called me back to an exam room, and we went over all the same forms I went over with Dr. Brown last week (“No, I am not allergic to latex.” No family history of genetic diseases. Just Diabetes. Cancer. High blood pressure.) She weighed me. Commended me for only gaining 3.5 pounds total in the first trimester. She took my blood pressure. 92 over 66. Lower BP is typical during this stage in pregnancy. She gave me pages of emergency phone numbers and helpful hints for dealing with nausea and a brochure on mercury levels in seafood. And then I got undressed and wrapped a gown around myself (“Open in back”) and waited. And waited. After 20 minutes I started kicking the table beneath me and speaking out loud. “Jesus Christ. This is ridiculous.” When I see Dr. Brown I never have to wait. At all. When my appointments are with Sheela the nurse practitioner, a 30 minute appointment always stretches into two hours of mostly waiting. I’m not a patient patient. Eventually, after I had read every damn poster on the wall explaining all the different techniques that a dad can use to comfort a mother during labor, I did what a lot of women do when they get angry. I started crying. And crying.

When Sheela finally arrived it was all business and she again went over all the same forms. (“Get used to it,” Ann says. “They ask you those same things at every single appointment.”) Sheela had trouble finding the heartbeat with the hand held Doppler device, and I said, “If we don’t find it, I’m going to worry so I’m not leaving here until we hear it.” Dr. Brown found it last week. She told me that Dr. Brown was right across the hall so if she couldn’t find it “we’ll just go get him to do it.” She doesn’t like me.

She got a new machine. She found the heartbeat. I exhaled.

On my way out she told me to make an appointment for July with Dr. Brown and an appointment with her for August “unless you’d rather see Dr. Brown every time and you can do whatever you want,” she said, “You’re the boss.” It’s mutual.

On my way home I got a call from Kathy at the perinatal clinic. She told me the CVS tests were good, that the baby had all the normal chromosomes which eliminates Downs syndrome and trisomy 13 and trisomy 18 and some of the less severe birth defects related to the sex chromosomes. “So that’s all we tested for,” she said, “and everything looks great.”

“Can’t you tell gender?’ I asked

“Yes I can. Do you want to know?”

“Absolutely.”

“It’s a boy.”

“Yay!!!!!”

I exhaled. In a big emotional frenzy I told her that was fantastic and that was what I was secretly hoping for. I had told everyone else that I would be thrilled with a boy or a girl (which is the truth) but Tuesday I admitted to Pam that I really was hoping for a boy.

I called Ann. I called Mom. I called Kelly. I was so excited. And then I put the phone down and thought about my dad, wanted to call him so much. A boy. God, how thrilled he would be.

And so I sobbed for a little while and thought of all the times I’ll sob in the future. Just like Ann did that first time Zachary stepped up to the plate at a T-ball game.

I called and texted a bunch of my friends to tell them it's a boy. Pam said she would take him to football games. Tami, who claims she never uses text messages, sent me a message with the teenage abbreviation "OMG!" Kae told me that now she "can start picking out cool baby things I see for him." John said "awesome" and Jim said "Jimmy Joe Junior" and Karen said "Hurrah!" and Jezail said "I told you so."

My friend was right. "Life is a roller coaster. Fasten your seat belts and keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times." Thanks so much to all of you who have been a form of seat belt for me through all the ups and downs during the last year… and the 39 years before that. I am so incredibly blessed. And I’m going to have a son. :)