Our Second Family

The Boy

Flirting with the girls

A long overdue visit to our second family, the DeGraves. I've known Kelly and Brian for over 20 years and their oldest son is now the age that we all were when we met in high school. They have always been like family to me, and now Sam loves them as much as I do. We had an awesome weekend of good food and great friendship and fun soccer matches and perfect weather. Sunshine and perfectly grilled scallops. Sierra Nevada Pale Ale and homemade salsa. A walk along Lake Michigan. An excitable "puppy" that loved to lick the boy and clean up his dinner mess. Matchbox cars and blade-something-other things that spin. A packer victory. Texting and girlfriends and long legs that towered over Sam. Dancing and music and fresh mango. Avocados and basketball and chalk and scooters and tomatoes. Two teenage boys who continue to impress me with their willingness to hang out with the old folks and their gentle ways with my son. And two lifetime friends who always make me feel welcome and loved!

To see all the fun things Sam got to do with the whole family, see more pictures here.

The Gang

At the park

Sam hasn't seen this game before

Mango Dancing

Stay tuned for more photos and videos of our weekend in Milwaukee, but this video is too cute to delay:

Door County 2009

Nothing like a week on the beach and in the woods to replenish the soul. Our annual trip to Door County this year was a great five-day weekend with just TT and Sam and I. Fresh veggies from the farmers' market and bright red Early Girls and Big Boys from our garden. Juicy red porterhouse on the grill. Fresh cinnamon buns and succulent mangoes for breakfast. Walks in the woods surrounded by the smell of wet cedar, picking wild raspberries and wild blueberries and wild carrots. Sand in the fingers and toes and hair and diapers. Tossing rocks and sticks and snacks into the waves and watching crackers float back to us. Wind in the windsock and sunshine on our bellies. Giggling and laughing and running and wrestling and walks in the stroller. A live fox. A bald eagle. Sand hill cranes. Sam's second trip to The Farm... baby goats sucking on bottles and chicks running from the hutch and sheep that beg loudly for handfuls of corn. Picking apples right off the tree and eating pea pods right off the vine. Watching the cows being milked at the dairy farm and slobbering drippy butter pecan all over our faces and shirts. Old McDonald and Elmo and an old tractor and a new tractor and a painted tractor and lots and lots of sand.

Here are the pictures.

Definitely Summer

A fenced in backyard filled with baby toys like a bubble mower and a swing hanging from a clothesline pole and a sprinkling palm-tree contraption hooked up to Sam's favorite thing: a hose. Running on the grass, splashing in the water table, climbing on kids-sized chairs, tossing a big beach ball and slipping around on the plastic pool. Adults with fresh tomato-cilantro salsa and delicious homemade brew that fit the occasion. Shaded lawnchairs and occasional welcome breezes to break up the hot sticky air until the bees drove us inside. Fat grilled burgers made with Ledebuhr meat. Grilled peppery rosemary potatoes. Sweet buttery corn on the cob. Children whose heads are now at just the right height to find the corners of furniture. Collisions. Falls. Very tough kids who just pick up the toy of the moment and move on. Pink and purple Legos. A green beach ball with a smiley face. Dancing to Wilco. Crawling up and down and up and down and up and down from the couch. A really, really fabulous evening. If I could just train Sam to fall asleep in my arms, we'd have stayed much later. Thanks Dave and Jamie!

What if This Never Happened?

After reading a recent study about how imagining if something good that happened in your life had never happened can actually help you feel happier, I decided to take that plunge, to spend a few minutes on that exercise and see how it made me feel. How would my life be different if Sam hadn’t been born?

Imagining a life without him definitely makes me grateful for what I do have, but it also challenges me to feel grateful for mundane things like diaper genies and pre-moistened wipes and the bigger things like Family and Growth and Community. And imagining what my life might be had Sam never been born fills me with awe and gratefulness for what an incredible personal journey I’ve entered into since he arrived. This little man has changed me and my life and the relationships in my life, and the enormity of the life transition we’ve been through together is incredible. Here’s just a few of the things I came up with if Sam had never been born…

I wouldn’t get to creep in to his room in the morning and sit on the floor next to his crib and watch him stretch and groan until he opens his eyes and sees me and immediately smiles and tries to do peekaboo around the thick edges of the crib.

I wouldn't get to see Jimmy Joe reincarnated every time Sam shovels blueberries into his mouth.

I wouldn’t get to snuggle and hold him every single night right before he falls asleep.

I wouldn’t have a guaranteed date for every national holiday.

My mom wouldn’t travel to see me as often, and I wouldn’t get to watch her and Sam play and laugh. I wouldn’t get to see her hand him a paper towel and ask him to help her dust. I wouldn’t get to see her teaching him how to pick raspberries or how to load dishes into the dishwasher. I wouldn’t get to watch her do the Tickle Monster and hear his belly laugh while he makes the sign for “more.” I wouldn't get to watch the two of them chew on lemons and raw potatoes. I wouldn't have experienced that window into my own childhood and how my mother must have been with me.

I wouldn’t slow down and see the possibility in a simple stream of water running across a dry pavement and changing the landscape right in front of me.

I wouldn’t have a refrigerator covered with musical magnets of a purple cow and a pink pig and an orange horse.

I wouldn’t be reliving all the old nursery rhymes from Found a Peanut to Hickory Dickory Dock to Polly Wolly Doodle all the day and How Much is that Doggie in the Window.

I wouldn’t be falling into bed every night knowing that somebody is relying on me to take care of him and make him feel secure while at the same time encouraging him to take risks and challenge himself. I wouldn't feel challenged to become the best example that I can be.

I would probably spend my weekends as I always have, in some sort of solitary activity like reading or writing or sitting alone. A friend of mine sent me an email when she heard of Sam’s birth that said only, “Welcome to The Club.” If Sam hadn’t been born I wouldn’t have been so warmly welcomed and supported by so many people I never knew before, people who are parents and know the challenges and know that sometimes all it takes is for someone to just say “Oh yah. We went through that too.”

I wouldn't get to see Sam's face light up as he races across the room when I arrive at his daycare, and I wouldn't know how it feels to have a little man who loves me unconditionally hold on to my legs as if I am the only thing tethering him to the earth.

I wouldn't have learned how incredibly hard and underappreciated my sister's job is and how truly lucky I am to have a younger sister who did all this before me and will always support me as I make my mistakes.

I would not have discovered my love of avocados and fresh mango and organic blueberries from The Berry Patch.

I would not have challenged myself to be a better person, to learn patience and calmness and resilience in a crisis, to look beyond myself and out at the world at large and see how incredibly miniscule my problems are compared to millions of children living in poverty surrounded by disease.

I wouldn't eat a healthy dinner full of vegetables every night.

I would not get to find fun and joy in the process of digging in the mud while pulling the weeds in the garden.

I wouldn't own a bottle of spray n' wash.

I wouldn't have a crab-shaped sandbox in which I can fill little molds and push shovels and rakes and remember imagining entire worlds built of sand when the DeGrave boys were little boys that followed me every where.

I would not get to creep into Sam's bedroom before I lay down at night and see his little frog-covered butt sticking in the air while he sleeps soundly like a child without a care or concern in the world.

I wouldn't realize how simple it is to build a fort with just a sheet and your head or how a wooden spoon and an empty popcorn tin can make the best drum set.

I would not have met some of the people in my life that became parents at the same time I did, friends who have since become supportive of my WHOLE life, not just my life as a parent.

I would not have learned to forgive myself for my imperfections.

I would not have realized how incredibly challenging and exhausting and full and rich the lives of parents all around me are.

If Sam had never been born, my life would not be the amazing life it is!

Take a moment to think about a good thing that has happened in your life. A marriage, a child, a pet, a job, a career. How would your life had been different if it hadn’t happened?

Brooklynn July 2009

Sam loves hanging out with Brooklynn, and I love having her around. We had an action packed weekend with plenty of fun at the company picnic and plenty of time for just Brooklynn and I after Sam collapsed into bed each night. Every time we see Brooklynn, we wish we had more time with her. She is growing up so fast. You can see lots of great pictures of our fun summer weekend here.

Raspberries 2009

TT taught Sam the fine art of raspberry picking this weekend, and all three of us had a blast. Full bellies and purple tongues and lots of laughter.

When Boys Want to Be Like Girls

This is what happens when the girls at daycare all get ponytails and Sam isn't happy about being left out.