Becoming Miranda

Do you remember that episode of Sex & the City right after Miranda has her baby and the girls are all out together and then decide to go uptown and before Miranda can even say anything they hail her a cab and shuffle her off to go home alone with her baby? And then later Carrie comes by and Miranda has a little emotional meltdown (well, as emotional as Miranda ever gets) about how alone she is and how her single friends are deserting her?

I just had one of those moments as my writing group started planning the next workshop get-together. I feel so sad about missing them again. Maybe it's just because I looked at my profile in the mirror this morning and it suddenly became so incredibly real... how my life is about to change. Don't get me wrong. I'm very excited about how my life is going to get richer and fuller, but I'm sad about the way my friendships are starting to change already. I'm terrified of being abandoned by my friends.

I know what helps is to start building new friendships with other women who are in the same stage as me, and I've been so grateful to all of the Minnesota Single Mothers By Choice women who have reached out to me over the last year or so. They are wonderful and sweet and generous and thoughtful and brave women. I appreciate every word of kindness and reassurance and support they've given me, and I'm hoping I'll continue to stay in touch (thanks to Rhonda's offer to put me up for a night when there are SMC meetings in the twin cities). But I have moved to western Wisconsin, and at this point I need to start finding local mommies.

I’m freaking out.

Just a little.

You would too if you woke up one day and looked in the mirror and saw a profile that included a basketball-sized bump and stretch marks and little spider veins and swollen ankles.

I know what I'm feeling is totally normal (after all, it happened to Miranda), but still... it's scary, and this blog is all about sharing all the parts of my journey with you.

On a more positive note, I love my new house where there are no streetlights, and the sky is lit with a zillion stars, and the wind blowing in the leaves of the neighbor’s poplar trees is the only sound I hear as I watch the sunrise turn the sky pink while I eat breakfast on my back deck. I really feel like I’m home for the first time in a long time, and that is going to be a great way for me to feel when I bring this little boy home from the hospital in just 11 short weeks.

Coming soon… .a photo of the growing belly. And it IS growing. Baby is now over two pounds and 15 inches long, and my belly knows it. (As does my lower back.)

I can't wait for Annie's visit this weekend. It's time to start working on that nursery and she's been a godsend in planning for this baby. What would I do without her!