Being a Mommy

With Sam July 2008

"I wasn't a very good mother," my mom is always saying.

It's as if she doesn't remember the hours she spent reading to me or rocking me to sleep or cleaning the dirt off my face or stroking the hair back behind my ear as I lay in her lap in a church pew in Kalamazoo. It's as if she doesn't realize that it is because of her that I feel secure in this world, that I feel like what I have to say and what I have to contribute matters. It's as if she doesn't realize that watching her go out in to the world and help others has taught me a sense of responsibility for those who are less fortunate. It's as if she doesn't understand that her example of giving 100% to everything she does, whether it's focus groups with young people or 18 holes on a golf course, has taught me to show up and do my best at everything I attempt. It's as if she doesn't remember the miles and miles of highways she drove to show me the world outside of my daily life. It's as if she doesn't remember the last 41 years.

With Sam April 2008

She might not have spent a lot of time on the things that she somehow mistakes for being a good mother... things like baking cookies or disinfecting the kitchen floor or making perfect square hospital corners on a bed that would be a tangle of sheets by the end of the day anyway. But she has spent a lot of her life teaching me to love words and to notice the color of the sky and to patiently listen to and help others and to always (always) be grateful for what I have. And as I become a mommy myself and just begin to understand the enormity of everything she has done for me, on this day in particular, I am very, very grateful for my mother.

With Sam when he was one hour old

A couple months after Sam was born, he kept me up all night with crying that pulled at my heartstrings, and when the worst of sleep deprivation hit me and I wanted to pull my hair out and scream, my mother calmly took Sam and laid him on a pillow across her lap and said "Let's have a conversation." And while he fussed and whined and kicked, she anchored herself in the world and was the calm in the middle of my storm. Later that day I told a friend on the phone that only now do I realize how much my mother's ability to be calm in the middle of chaos contributed to my sense of security about the world. I can only hope that I have learned by example and that I can be half the mother to Sam that she has been to me.

With Sam January 2008

If you see this woman anywhere in the world today, give her a hug and tell her Happy Birthday. Tell her that there are lots of people who are really glad she was born, and one of the newest members of that club adores her and can't wait to see her again soon.

With her first born :) 1968

Happy Birthday, Mom! We love you!