Steep Learning Curve

Thanks to a 65-degree Indian Summer Day, Eva gets to enjoy the outdoors too

Well, we've survived the first two weeks of Mommy being a single mother of two little ones. "Survived" being the key word. Our first night alone after Kelly left was not one of the best nights of my life (or Sammy's). I very quickly learned that although it's possible (and even easy sometimes) to manage two of them at once, there will be moments when the very different needs of a toddler and a newborn will compete, and being the mommy of two requires frequent compromise. Let the baby cry or let the toddler crawl up the bookcase? Let the baby cry or let the toddler dig through the pantry and pour bunny crackers all over the kitchen floor? Let the baby cry or let the toddler take every single alphabet refrigerator magnet off the refrigerator and pile them in the foyer? Let the baby cry or let the toddler jump on mommy's queen-sized pillowtop mattress? Let the baby cry or let the toddler go out into the garage and ride circles around the car with his trike? Let the baby cry or let the toddler empty his bookshelves all over the floor?

Bundled up for a caterpillar collecting mission

Every day it gets a little easier and I figure out strategies to manage the most challenging moments... like bedtime and dinner time... and the learning curve is steep. I'm learning to let go of the need to have any sort of semblence of a clean house, and I'm learning to let the chaos build all day. The toys can be stacked (or kicked into a corner when I'm really tired) after the toddler is in bed. The dishes can pile up in the sink. The dirty clothes can overflow the laundry basket. The spilled applesauce and yogurt can stay on the table for a few hours. The short amount of time I have alone with my little man (who has recently lost his daily alone time with Mommy) is much, much more important than any housework. Sammy and I are both adjusting (and one of us has to be frequently reminded that some rules and boundaries haven't changed) and learning this new way of life, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I've relaxed a lot of my own rules about TV and snacking and bedtime and dinner time in order to maintain my own sanity, and Sammy and I both contiune to learn new things every single day. Some of the things I've learned during the last two weeks:

A sticker chart goes a long way towards blackmailing a toddler to do what you want him to do (rather than yelling at the top of your lungs and teaching him new words that he will repeat at daycare).

Sammy gets another sticker for cleaning up his toys

A Bug's Life is an excellent movie for a 2 and 1/2 year-old boy who has lost interest in Dora and Fresh Beat Band, and when the baby needs to be fed, it's okay to give in to the request to watch it again. And again. And again.

The child whose Mommy wasn't going to let him watch too much TV

A Babybjorn carrier is essential to having hands free so that you can build the toddler his Tonka dumptruck stunt bridge while also meeting the infant's need to be held 24/7.

The big new toy Sam earned by filling up 4 rows of his sticker chart

If you can get past the fear of choking and the drooling gooey mess on the front of his t-shirt, Tootsie Rolls are a great way to keep a toddler quiet for several minutes.

You can tolerate really disgusting, sour smelling bad breath exhaling directly into your face in the middle of the night if it means both children are sound asleep.

If the baby makes the sounds of filling her diaper while she's sleeping, let her keep sleeping. She will wake soon enough as it is, and even when she's awake she'll go through 3-4 diapers while on the changing table.

When you wake up after falling asleep in front of the TV during midnight feedings, put the TV back to Nick Jr before turning it off, and teach the toddler to turn the TV on by himself.

Make up songs about everything. A defiant toddler will enjoy running to the bathroom or getting dressed for daycare or cleaning up his dinner dishes more if he can sing about it.

Dinner time tip: Amy's organic frozen dinners. Healthy and delicious and it takes 5 minutes to get food on the table when the toddler is screaming about how hungry he is and can he PLEASE have some skittles from trick-or-treating because he really NEEDS them!

A bathtub full of toys and bubbles and floating letters and bathtub crayons is a good way to keep a toddler in one place and out of trouble when a newborn needs to be nursed.

Friends that stop by during or after dinner time should be encouraged to stay and hold the baby until after the toddler is in bed. Toddler bedtime is MUCH easier if the toddler gets Mommy's full attention.

Tara snuggles with Baby Sister so Sammy and Mommy can get some much-needed alone time

Write everything down as it occurs to you because your brain has become mush.

A bouncy seat that can be placed on top of the kitchen counter (or the bathroom counter or the dining room table) may buy Mommy enough hands-free minutes to cook or eat or take a shower.

If he is wearing a dark colored shirt that won't show the drool stains (and even if he's not), Halloween candy or homemade cookies with blue frosting and sprinkles make great blackmailing ammunition when your toddler doesn't want to get into his carseat.

Sam helps by taste-testing the cookie dough

Pump, pump, pump when you can during the day so that you can have extra bottles of milk around to make dinnertime and bedtime easier for all three of you.

A sandbox full of diggers is great for keeping a little man happy no matter what the weather is like.

It doesn't matter how badly you need to get up and pee if you have the warm arm of a snoring toddler wrapped around your waist on one side of you while your upper arm is falling asleep from the weight of a sleeping newborn on the other side. Stay there and revel in that moment.

A sweet, gentle big brother moment