Five!

 What a five-year-old can do that a 4-year-old can't. 

Saturday with my brain on overload with holiday and birthday lists and my heart reeling from the Connecticut tragedy, it was sometimes almost too painful to slow down and notice the details of Sam's party. Every child so unique and special... the way Gedion hit the baseball bats or Owen and Max fought in the gladiator ring or Nathan handled the bull riding machine or Luke empathetically handed over his bat to Hamilton with his scowl.  The way Gavin tore down the slide again and again insisting that his mother toss the giant balloon into his face.  The way Espn and Zayda and Owen made a hilarious game of trying to hide from my camera in the darkest bouncy house.  The way Sam and Nathan ran around and around and around the slides.  The way Anthony shyly crawled up the steps before throwing himself down the pirate slide.  The way Sam and Owen followed Max and stood in awe as he was the first person to attempt riding the bull.  The way they all lined up to go to the bathroom and then to the party room.  The way Jamie and Kate and Amy and all my mommy friends make my life possible.  The way we were all separately dealing with our grief, with the gratitude that these children were still ours, still with us.

When Sam and I arrived back home (just the two of us because Eva was still in the care of Wonder Woman) I finally let myself breathe and feel the enormity of Friday.  Sam and I sat on the living room floor and built hex bug mazes and chased balloon rockets across the room and created crazy colorful monsters out of cardboard and made Jar Jar Binks and C3PO talk to each other.  And as we opened and played with each new toy I thought about all these mothers and how they had each taken the time to get these gifts that were so perfect for my son.  Mothers.  And their children.

At the end of the night (after we had brought Eva and a garbage bag filled with puke-covered clothing home) the three of us snuggled on the couch, Eva's hair fresh with the scent of Suave kids shampoo and Sam's face still somehow smeared with Hawaiian punch.  Eva spent a few minutes pointing to each of us multiple times and saying "Sammy's spot.  Mommy's spot.  Eva's spot.  Sammy's spot.  Mommy's spot.  Eva's spot." Sam instructed us to take turns finding the hidden animals on the Under the Sea page of "the greatest animal find it book ever" that had come home with us from the birthday party.  The Christmas tree lit up in the corner reflected off the glass from our front window, and I thought of all those children who wouldn't be opening Christmas presents this year and I held my tears and counted out 3 giant squids and 2 reaching octopuses and was unbelievably grateful for my life.

A look back:

 December 2011

Dec 17, 2010

Dec 17, 2009

Dec 17, 2008

Dec 17, 2007