I Fell Off the Wagon

When I gave up caffeine 8 months ago, I didn't know everything my body would have in store for me during my pregnancy.

"They are parasites for 9 months," my mother says.

There are lots of things a baby inside you and the hormones he brings along with him do to your body that nobody warns you about until it's too late. Today I decided that a little caffeine was a fair trade for hemorrhoids and constipation and constant heartburn and lower back aches and insomnia and tugging abdominal cramps and sore boobs and night-time congestion and other more unmentionable symptoms that any pregnant woman knows about but doesn't talk about.

I fell off the wagon. Hard. I pulled up to the Mugby Junction drive-through and ordered a double hazelnut frappe. No whipped cream. Half-caf. (I did show some control.)

Oh my God. I have missed you, my sweet friend. Oh, how I have missed you.